Why Homophobia and Feminism are Incompatible.

First things first, this post is a direct response to ladyfavor’s post on this blog from about three weeks ago. I’m not going to write a post that has vague passive-aggressive references like “some people”
and anyone who works on the blog or read her post will know who that is. I’m flat out saying that post was homophobic, and it’s not something I want to stamp on a fellow blogger’s post lightly.

Why, then, did it take me three weeks to respond? I had read the post just hours after it had gone up and found myself grabbing my own bible and preparing myself to write a comment that night after my work shift, using the rhetoric I had used previously to “defend” homosexuality within the Christian context. I was ready .I even jotted down ideas I had while at work. Then I came home, and really questioned if I wanted to devote the energy to writing this response. Why is it my job, as a genderqueer man, to educate someone about what is homophobic? To point out inconsistencies in scripture and thought? I decided not to comment, at the time, because I was exhausted. Choose your battles wisely, right? I decided to sit this one out.

Still, it is three weeks later and I’m still bothered. I have to DEFEND myself, correct? But today  it occurred to me that what made me really uncomfortable was the very fact that I had to even defend homosexuality in what is a clearly defined feminist space. A space that was created to help celebrate all forms of diversity and not tolerate any form of bigotry. I wake up every day ready to defend my right to exist in a hostile, homophobic society and culture, and even in the feminist space that gave me the tools to fight these battles, I have to defend myself. Welcome to the post that never should have been written.

To start us off: I am a white, middle-class genderqueer who passes as male and legally identifies as male. I was socialized in a patriarchal, heterosexist, capitalist society that is built on white male supremacy. I have said racist, sexist, homophobic, classist, trans-phobic things during my existence in this culture. Calling myself a feminist was not some “presto-change-o!” incantation that suddenly erased every ounce of socialized what-have-you-isms that are driven into us. This is not intended to be some holier-than-thou “I have done no wrong and shame on ladyfavor for saying something homophobic” response or in any way trying to revoke the “feminist” label from her. This is not designed to be a personal attack, or an act of aggression. It is a response to what I think were homophobic remarks and my efforts to show why they shouldn’t be in this feminist space at all. A key aspect of being a feminist has been, for me, constantly being in a state of self-evaluation and also knowing that for the space to truly function at its very best, we need to shout out when we see things that we know hinders the processes for social equality for all. We also have to strive to be ready to be told when others find what we say or write problematic. Constant self-revision is a core virtue of Feminism.

Now to jump into the actual purpose of this post: to examine the homophobia present in ladyfavor’s post and to “argue” why homophobia and feminism are incompatible. I use scare quotes, because my attitude towards this is simple: homosexuality needs no defense in a feminist space, but more on that later. In her post on how she is a Christian Feminist, (which is great, I think those kinds of negotiations are fascinating), ladyfavor wrote that:

“As a Christian Feminist, I want all women to maximize and utilize their full potential in every endeavor whether it is in their personal lives, at their jobs, in political office, the home, etc.  I do not think that a woman should ever be discounted because of her gender.  Never should a woman be discriminated against either.”

Those are pretty core feminist values, correct? No rebuttals here. But when ladyfavor writes about her views on homosexuality, things get a little dicey:

 “As a Christian Feminist, I believe that everyone is open and allowed to live their life as they choose; however, when we talk about gender, I do not support homosexuality.  Let me clearly state that I do know people who are homosexual, and have had friend [sic] who were as well and I never turned them away or discriminated against them.  I just do not support the lifestyle.  I will not even stay on the subject of religion long because I do not want to focus in that much on homosexuality because although it is a sin, it is no different than someone telling a lie, or stealing.”

What is pretty clear here that “not supporting[ing] the [gay] lifestyle” cannot be anything but patented homophobia. It simply cannot be anything else. This is the typical homophobic spew that makes anyone in the LGBTQIQA community seem like aliens and making them “Other” (what is the gay lifestyle anyway? Rainbows, butt sex and crystal meth? Shopping? Being really enthusiastic about Drama Club?) The phrase “Gay lifestyle” is nothing but an absurdly transparent code for “nasty stereotypes” that is typically used in the guise of  some form of the condescending rationalization  that sounds something like “Everyone can make their choices, but good golly gee I’m straight and thank god for that and I’m now morally superior to the gay friends that I love and certainly don’t “discriminate against” that the LGBTQIQA community hears all the time because it is constantly presented to us as some inane and absurd form of “tolerance” or an “opinion”, which of course, is something everyone is entitled to.

Except bigotry, in any form, is NOT an opinion. It is exactly what it is, bigotry. Disguising bigoted remarks and oppressive ideas as opinions is a classic tactic that sustains oppressive thoughts and actions. We know this as feminists: “If women stopped wearing short skirts, they wouldn’t be victims of assault and that is just my opinion” or “Women can’t do math” or “Poor (insert non-white race) people just don’t work hard and sit around on welfare” or “Illegal aliens are stealing our jobs and tax dollars” are all horrible bigoted things we hear EVERY day and they are “just opinions” that those in power are entitled to have, right? They just coincidently support the status quo and circumvent any kind of social justice. We as feminists KNOW how dangerous bigotry disguised as something as innocent and standard as someone’s thoughts on their favorite brand of coffee or what newspaper they find enjoyable is a tactic that is often employed to sustain power structures. Homophobia is not an opinion, it is bigoted and oppressive.

Also, I think all arguments about homosexuality being a “choice” or not are tired and fruitless. It is not my job to prove to you that I did not choose to be homosexual anymore than it is your job to prove to me you did not choose to be heterosexual.  Nobody owes anyone an explanation for what they do with another consenting adult. Enough said.

Also, as a side note, I am not a liar or a thief. It is absolutely insulting and degrading to compare me to the criminal element (and the implication is pretty clear that I’m also equitable to a murderer, since that is also in the Ten Commandments along with lying and stealing but not homosexuality! Strange that got left out if it is such a central concern.)

And that moves me into my second point. If ladyfavor supports equality for all women that either includes women in the LGTBQIQA community or she doesn’t support equality for “all women” and if you cannot support all women , well, that obviously is not feminist. When ladyfavor states that: “when we talk about gender, I do not support homosexuality” it can be interpreted that, as fellow blogger femistorian  pointed out in her comment that ladyfavor is “confusing sexuality with gender” but while I agree, to a point, I’d like to parse out what I think has everything to do with gender in this case. I definitely stand behind the idea that what we term as “compulsive heterosexuality” or that heterosexuality is the “default” sexuality (also known as heterosexism) is very much tied up in gendered roles and expectations. Women should be married (to men) and man is only a MAN when he is with a woman, right? The great Suzanne Pharr, who correctly identified homophobia as “a weapon of sexism” once wrote that “without the existence of sexism, there would be no homophobia” and “the only successful work against sexism must include homophobia” and I whole heartedly agree, and not just for my own purposes. It is either equality for all or equality for none and outdated “moral” codes cannot be used to split up and divide which women deserve equality and which do not. Homophobia in a feminist space falsifies any true move for equality and is absolutely impermissible.

This is non-negotiable to me, and it appears also to the founders of ShoutOut! JMU when the comment policy was written in fall of 2010 (see Laws of Discourse.) It clearly states that:

“Everyone has something to say, and that’s exactly what a blog is for! What THIS blog isn’t for, though, is comments that are intentionally inflammatory, sexist,racist, homophobic, classist, ablist or otherwise uncool. Such comments will be deleted at our merciless discretion without any remorse. Please be civil in all commenting on the blog, and make it as safe a place for conversation as possible.”

The definition of homophobia that the link will (eventually, keep clicking) send you to reads as this:

“The American Heritage Dictionary (1992 edition) defines homophobia as “aversion to gay or homosexual people or their lifestyle or culture” and “behavior or an act based on this aversion.” Other definitions identify homophobia as an irrational fear of homosexuality.”

Hey look! “I just do not support the lifestyle.” sounds suspiciously a lot like an “”aversion to gay or homosexual people or their lifestyle or culture.” So there it is. But why is it here, on this blog? Where is the “merciless discretion” that would have deleted this if it were a comment and not a post? Only two blog writers ( Katie O and Femistorian) responded to her post. Where is the outrage? Maybe we all, like myself initially, just didn’t want to deal with it. And is that not a betrayal of our core principles as feminists? Is it not ultimately disrespectful for our LGBTQIQA readers who expect this to be a safe place to see blatant homophobia sit on the blog virtually ignored for three weeks? Disrespectful to our diverse collective of writers who may identify as LGBTQIQA? Maybe it was intended to be a “teachable moment” but self-defense in this society is exhausting enough without having to do it in what is supposed to be a safe space. Whose job was it, ultimately, to do that teaching, to do the calling out? My thanks, personally, to Femistorian and Katie O for responding so quickly. I feel that my letting this sit for three weeks was a failure on my part, and it obviously bothered me until I could no longer contain it which is not healthy at all. This space was created exactly to express everything I have written and I am eternally grateful for it. It may have been a teachable moment, but for whom?