I remember sitting in my “Intro to Women’s Studies” class and talking about a study published by the Duke University Women’s Initiative. The study isolated that most women at Duke University, including faculty, alumnae, etc, felt pressure to achieve an “effortless perfection.” This was defined as the feeling by the women that they had to be “smart, accomplished, fit, beautiful, and popular,” and it must all seem to come naturally without a visible struggle to encompass all these ideals. In other words, it had to be effortless. Sitting in our discussion circle, I could tell that the concept had hit a common chord amongst most of my female peers. I know it had with me. “Effortless perfection” was something I saw manifested on campus every day, in my peers and myself.
I identify with the pressure of an “effortless perfection.” Maybe I’m ego-centric. Maybe I’m too insecure. Maybe I’m a product of constant exposure to societal constructs of beauty that prize young, thin, athletic women with perfectly coifed hair, (often blonde) flawless skin, and a wardrobe that is both stylish and expensive. (Some differential seems to be allowed in terms of types of style as long as it is obvious that much thought and money was put into the wardrobe.) I constantly feel the need to retouch my eye liner, make sure my bangs are still doing their little-swoopy thing. That my scarf is looped just right and my boots aren’t getting dirty. I do it all, extra-curricular activities, work, and a full class load. I have to excel in all these areas; the internal pressure I place on myself in this area is enormous. I have to make it to everything on time, I have to give 110% and I have to outperform everyone else. Sleep is optional so usually I forego. In class, I can only speak if I speak intelligently; I have to say things that will show my professor that I’m not just a “dumb blonde.” Not making a good grade or seeing my GPA dip leads to a cycle of self-deprecation and a fear that I will now become a failure, as a student, as an adult, and as a woman.
Like most college students, I carry the pressure to graduate with a good GPA, get into grad school, get a good job, be self-reliant, be independent, have a family one day but continue to progress in my career and the whole time, I need to look like it’s not killing me. Every time I show up to class in sweatpants or without makeup on, my friends all ask me if I’m okay. “You look tired, you look stressed, you look sad, you look angry.” “Are you okay?” I feel the questions pressing in on me and it’s overwhelming. The amount of questioning that I get, the concern if I look tired, all communicates to me that when I differ from the norm of looking effortlessly composed, I must have an explanation. It can’t be enough that I might not want to wear makeup or I might be too tired to care. I must justify that decision with an explanation for my appearance to others. I can’t look like I’m trying too hard to balance it all. Its effortless perfection that I feel I subconsciously strive for.
But wait, women can have it all now. Remember that feminist thing? Remember when we were told that women can and should be able to do it all? Well now we can right? The problem I see lies in this. Now that women “can have it all,” we are expected to do it all. It’s a question of multiple layers. Now, on top of having to deal with the pressure to conform to certain standards of beauty and appearance, I have to deal with this societal expectation that now that I am a “liberated” woman (and particularly because I am so out-spoken about being a feminist) I should be able to do it all. The world is open to me now so why should I be limited? This internal pressure to be beautiful, to be thin, athletic, smart, hardworking and successful multiplies. It’s layer on layer of expectations and “prove them wrong” mentality. I even at times find myself thinking that if I don’t manage to accomplish all of this and be wildly successful and fulfilled, I will be a failure.
The Duke study found that in this sense of failure, women manifested this sense of failure in eating disorders and self-inflicted wounds. Although I have been fortunate to avoid these manifestations of the sense of failure, the pressure that I compound on myself has led to contemplations of eating disorders to remove one stressor, my weight, from my plate. At one point I became obsessed with exercise and it moved from an activity that I did to be healthy and to get some relief from stress, and turned into a mechanism of weight control. These are destructive, unhealthy and disruptive behaviors and thoughts that, if I let go unchecked, can lead to even more unhealthy behaviors. Fortunately, I have since recognized that these are not healthy behaviors and have been able to channel my stress into healthier channels. Yet what can I do to relieve this pressure? And while I’ll be the first to admit that I’m very motivated and naturally pretty hard on myself, is that really all that’s fueling the pressure I feel? Or is there also an “effortless perfection” idea that I have been subconsciously trying to fall into?
I have found that first; the recognition of the pressures I face has been a critical starting point for me. Once I recognized the interplay of different levels of normative thought and ideals at work in my life, I was able to step back and say to myself, “Okay, this is socially constructed; I have a choice here to be agentive and to decide how I want to define myself and the expectations that are reasonable and healthy for me.” Secondly, I have found that simply having conversations with other women about this pressure has lifted a burden. Having a moment with someone when you both become aware of a shared oppression or challenge is liberating. To suddenly have a shift from the focus on all the pressure that “I” am under and to recognize that others also deal with these issues allows me to switch my focus from an inward view to an outward one that then can ask more effectively, what do WE do?
At Duke University after the study was released, conversations about the pressures on campus emerged amongst students and faculties and Duke University enacted programs such as the “the Women’s Networking and Mentoring Program to help foster faculty-student interaction, as well as a new scholarship program that rewards and cultivates leadership potential in young women on campus.” http://hin.nea.org/home/34818.htm
I guess my ultimate question would be, am I the only one identifying with “endless perfection” and what do readers think might be causes or solutions? Am I just feeling normal stress and too hard on myself, or is there an underlying level as well? Thoughts?
ShoutOut! James Madison University 