Dear men of JMU,
I understand that in writing this letter, there are some wonderful men out there who won’t need to read this, or who will read this and say “This is terrible, I can’t believe men act like this.” To you, I say thanks for being awesome and sorry that I even have to write this letter in the first place. But here have been just enough incidents from a select few men on campus to inspire me to write this. So without further ado…
Firstly, a woman at a party is not there for you to objectify however you’d like. Some of my peers seem to be under the impression that it is okay to grab my ass when I walk into a party. That’s actually not true. Let me just say one thing here. Hands. To. Yourself. Please. I understand that there might have been women who didn’t say anything to you, or act like you were bothering them, but keep in mind that this is still sexual harassment. Without explicit permission, you are sexually harassing someone. And if that someone happens to be drunk, that is also sexual harassment.
Secondly, when I go running, please keep your comments to yourself. You may not know that when you jeer me or make comments about my body when I run, you are actually engaging in something that is highly politicized. When I step into a public sphere (i.e. basically any place outside my so-called private sphere of my home), and you jeer me and make me feel threatened and unwelcome, you re-entrench the message that women do not have the same right to or access to the public sphere that men do. I shouldn’t have to deal with fear and worry every time I decide to run on a sidewalk downtown. I shouldn’t have to worry that one day, that car filled with men that slows down and keeps pace with me will stop, and that those men will get out.
Third, don’t tell me lighten up about your jokes about women being beaten. Its not gonna happen. I already posted once about how I feel about these jokes here. Don’t do it. If you feel you MUST make these jokes, then go do it somewhere you wont have the risk of offending someone. Two days ago I sat in class and listened to the men who sit behind me once again make jokes about domestic abuse. The end line to the joke was, “Look, daddy didn’t beat mommy today kids.” This was followed by a round of laughter from all the men. If you want to know how I honestly felt, I felt sick, saddened and upset. I just can’t understand in what world it is ever conceivably okay to joke about something like abuse that is a REALITY for many women. There is nothing humorous about abuse, or violence. These things shouldn’t be. Instead of joking about it, we should be using our voices to fight it. I had a friend tell me that I should pick my battles wisely, that maybe some discretion is needed in when I voice my displeasure. To this I can only say that my personal ethics will not allow me to remain silent. If I am there, I WILL say something. What would be even better, is if one of my male peers joined me in the recognition that these jokes are, at the least, offensive.
So what do I hope by writing this letter? What aim could I possibly have here? I want YOU to realize the implications of your actions. I want you to realize that feminism is not just for women, that I personally believe that it is critical that men come alongside women in their struggle for equality. I want so much for my male peers to recognize that there are those amongst them making decisions and taking actions towards women that are not okay. Say something. Do something. When youre walking with some friends and they start to make catcalls at a woman who is walking or running, SAY something. Tell them to cut it out. When you’re at a party, remember that without a woman’s permission to touch her in any way, you are not allowed to so do, and neither are your friends. Listen. Ask. Ask your mother, your sister, your girlfriend or any female friends if they have ever experienced anything like the issues I outlined above. Statistics like 1 in 4 happen and the fact that women who are significant to you have to face this risk everyday should spur you to at least contemplate that implications of actions by male peers (I would like to add here that I certainly recognize that men are not the only ones who abuse women and that women are not the only ones who can be abused. All abuse is wrong. Period). However, most violence against women is perpetuated by men.
I would like to leave you with this link to some amusing excerpts from an actually really well thought out book. Who knew feminism could be 1. For men too and 2. Funny?? Well you’re about to know. http://guysguidetofeminism.com/excerpt-of-the-week/.
Here’s to saying something,
classifiedsarcastic
ShoutOut! James Madison University 
Hi classifiedsarcastic!
I am an avid runner too, and I remember one time while running when I was a young girl back in VB, a man honked as he drove by. I didn’t think much of it until he turned his car around at the intersection and proceeded to creep up behind me, roll his window down, and told me to get into his car. No one was around, so I began running faster but he continued followed. It was until I stopped and began yelling at him on the top of my lungs that he looked around and saw cars coming- did he finally leave. It’s a frightful story yes, but I knew he wouldn’t do anything as seeing where I was physically located. That is, in a neighborhood area.
No person, man or woman, should have to be forced to run in certain areas over others caused by safety issues. However, there are some locations better to run than others. Neighborhoods are my friends. No one honks, hollers, or stalks me simply because if I am running in a neighborhood, most likely these folks believe I am apart of this neighborhood and don’t want to have to face me or their actions every time I run by. Now, when I run on S Main, I get a lot of honks, but no hollers because fortunately there is a police station, right there.
Regardless, as you’ve said, just because I am running does not give permission for others to stalk or holler at me. But, unfortunately, it is something I have to bear with.
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Sometimes I wish we could come to a general consensus, in which we come up with a term specific to those men who act in the way you described. Instead of men, we could call them school boys, who become men when they can actually accept the full responsibility for their words and actions, including the profound effects that sexist attitudes have on the men and women who are exposed to them. Ignorance hurts everyone, and while I don’t want this to be misconstrued as equating the negative experiences of you being catcalled to the impact that witnessing such an act would have on myself or another man, it’s an aspect of sexism that goes largely unnoticed and unaddressed. Hatred and bigotry is contagious, and it only takes so much exposure to these sorts of ideas in the public sphere for the less wise, and perhaps much younger, audience to make an individual think sexism is ok. A five year old who hears his older brother objectify women could, very likely, grow into a man who also thinks objectification is ok. I guess my point is ultimately that the sort of bigotry you described above is harmful for everyone, and so everyone has a stake in addressing and minimizing it.
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“If you feel you MUST make these jokes,” then stop feeling that way. As a JMU duder, I’m forced to agree that collectively, we are the worst. Good for you for always saying something, I know how hard that can get time after time. STAY STRONG KEEP FIGHTIN’
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