Goodnight, Gracie.

Missing the mark, are we?

Recently, I was chatting with a particularly charming, beautiful and intelligent friend of mine who’s currently enrolled in a Gender & Justice class here at JMU.

The class was discussing the subject of rape, and took a frightful turn in the direction of victim blaming.  My charming, beautiful and intelligent friend become rather distressed.  It became painful for her to try and respond to a mass of comments questioning the morality of the rape victim.

Suddenly, it was an attack of comments out of the mouths of ostensibly intelligent college students: “Well, girls shouldn’t drink that much.  They should know their limits.” “You can’t use ‘I got roofie’d as an excuse’ because its not believable.  If you do it more than once, it’s crying-wolf.  People will just think you’re a whore”.  And then the masterpiece comment of tragic ignorance: “I mean, sexual assault can’t be that prevalent.  I don’t even know anyone it’s happened to!”

Oh man.  Alright guys… where do we even start.

1.  You know someone it has happened to.  Probably someone you know well.

2. Perhaps your attitude (and the attitude of society at large) is the reason they haven’t told you.

Let’s expand on that second reason.  Imagine this:  The unthinkable has happened.  You’ve been sexually assaulted.  Whether it be at a party or in the bathroom of your local Kroger is completely irrelevant.  It has happened and it will have a profound affect on you for the rest of your life, you will carry it with you as if someone has infected you with a virus.  Except it is a virus society tells you to be ashamed of.  A virus they tell you you caused yourself.  Of course you are not going to feel comfortable talking to your friends and family about it.

So let’s review:

• The blame for a sexual assault should never be placed on the victim, Capiche?

• You know someone it has happened to & if you want them to feel comfortable talking to you about it, you must present yourself as a non judgmental, supportive ally.

• Rape jokes aren’t funny.  They may close you off to someone who needs you.  If you need a funny joke, try this one: A polar bear walks into a bar and says “Bartender, can I have a…………………………………….beer.”  To which the bartender responds “What’s with the big pause?”  And the polar bear holds up his hands and says “Always had ’em…”

Say Goodnight, Gracie.