Guilt

Is there a difference, other than pregnancy and certain STDs, between oral sex and penetration sex?  Many say there is a huge difference while others do not believe that is so.  Sex is sex.   Why is it more suitable for men to consistently have casual sex, but women are deemed immoral if she were to do the same?  The whole pimp versus slut dichotomy, insert here.

However, there is an enormous stigma placed on females concerning their sex lives.  Virginity being one of them.  The dilemma becomes, for some virginity is a sacred attribute that should be praised.  For others, to be a virgin at 19 is old.  May I ask, when did 19 become so old to have or have not done things?  Ultimately, sex should be about the person, the individual and their sexuality.  Their sexual experience(s).  Yet, as women we always have this floating dilemma in the back corner of our minds.

And where that floating dilemma comes from are the sectors which form society, patriarchal society to be exact.  Big surprise. The religious sector, of course.  Social, health, economical, political…

I do believe virginity is sacred.  I do believe it should be respected and not misused though I do not believe females should be looked down upon once their virginity is gone.

Id like to share my friend’s story of recently losing her virginity at the age of 21. That night included a date with an older man, several drinks at two different restaurants, and a bottle of white wine at her date’s apartment.  My friend did not plan her night thinking, “Tonight’s the night.”

In fact, she didn’t even shave-if you know what I mean.

The night was passionate, her reason for “giving in” after a whole 21 years, was because it felt good.  Not because she was in love, not due to pressure, not due to rebellious reasons.  Because of pleasure.

Her current mindset while reflecting, comes down to she did this for her.  It felt good, he was good, he was respectful, and most of all, he was giving.

Yet, the dilemma creeps in.

She thinks, did I just waste my virginity?  Should have I been in love?  Was this wrong?  Am I wrong?

There is also another side of which society says- well, at least she got it out of the way.

Sex is a beautiful act.  It is unfortunate however, society comes knocking on our bedroom doors and deems what is wrong and what is right.  This dampens sex. This dampens women’s self-confidence, and more importantly, tears at women’s autonomy.

I do not want my friend to feel any shame, guilt.  Yet it sits there, it rests on every female’s shoulders.  Guilt.

How to remove this guilt?  To own our actions, to not listen to society.  To the one’s who do not know you.  Who do not know where you have been, where you are, and where you are going.

Our society is very tricky.  We have an over sexualized media, but other than that, there are strict do’s and don’ts.

If a woman leaves a night aware of being pleased, respected, confident, she deserves no shame after losing her virginity.  After having sex with number 50.

No woman deserves to feel trapped, regretful.

 

I digress…Here’s a hysterical video promoting safe sex!