Stay-At-Home Mom, definition: A mother whose main job is to stay home and take care of her children.
We’ve all met this type of mom, right? Many of my friends’ mothers I knew growing up were “stay-at-home moms” and many were awesome parents, but it seems the term has a rather negative connotation. Why is this? The entries for “stay-at-home mom” on Urban Dictionary, which seem to represent the views of many people, suggest that these women have no other choice but to stay at home, and that they are “taking the easy way out,” implying that they could make more “important” contributions to society.
Now don’t get me wrong, I realize that there are certainly many cases in which a woman becomes a stay-at home mom either because she feels that she has no other choice, or because she feels that the husband of the family should earn the money. These women are most likely not feminists and, whether they have chosen to or not, have been subjected to a lifestyle ruled by patriarchy.
There are also women, however, that make the choice to stay home for themselves. Some women simply want to become mothers and devote their lives to being a strong source of support and guidance for their children. What is so wrong with that? Many would respond to this question by saying that there is EVERYTHING wrong with this because they are not taking on a legitimate role in society; a role that will make an important impact on our culture.
In a blog post on Violent Acres, the blogger states:
“There are wrong choices and there are right choices in life. Once upon a time, you had a choice to either meaningfully contribute to your community or to spend your life playing taxi driver to your kids. Even though you called yourself a Feminist, you ended up making the wrong choice.
Let’s end the charade, women. We either need to go out into this world and make an impact or we need to forfeit our right to vote, get back into the kitchen, and make a goddamn peach pie.”
Last time I checked, I was both a feminist and a feminst who enjoys making a good pie. Feminists come in all shapes and sizes, with all different interests and hobbies. If our leisurlely activities happen to fit into a typical female sterotype, should we feel compelled to abandon them? Hell no. If I like to make pie, you bet your ass I’m going to make a pie.
Do we view the stay-at-home mom role as simplistic because it is a traditionally female role? What if a man took on the stay-at-home role? Would we say that he isn’t contributing to society as well as he should be, or would we be overwhelmingly impressed with how admirable it would be for him to take on such a role?
Choosing to be a stay-at-home mom is not a “wrong choice.” In my opinion, these women are taking on an important role. In many cases stay-at-home moms serve as teachers for their children and have a huge influence on their general outlook on life. So, who is to say these mothers wouldn’t be able to pass on feminist values to her children?
Some feminists may have a strong desire to further their education, or maybe to obtain careers that they feel will make an big changes in their communities. There is NOTHING wrong with this, in fact, it is honorable; though not any less honorable than a career as a stay-at-home mother. True feminists would see the importance of having a feminist influence in various communities and careers, as it would only help to spread the notion of feminism and equality.
So can a stay-at-home mom also call herself a feminist? I certainly think so.
-Lauranium
ShoutOut! James Madison University 
I am a stay at home mother to a 2 year old daughter. I, in many ways don’t fit a stereotypical feminist mold, but anyone who has known me over the past 15 years, knows that I believe feminism is at base, an overarching deep concern for all women, and a belief that all women need to talk and be heard by each other as well as by men.
I remember a year ago when I ran into a neighborhood girl (about age 13 then) on the street and in conversation she told me that “of course your baby is going to be a feminist! Look at her mother!
Now, this young girl only knew me from the occasional brief conversation over the years, & I was never as outspoken about feminist/womens issues as I’d be with a closer peer.
I thanked the girl and told her that was a great complement coming from her.
I strongly believe that a mother can be a feminist (actively feminist) without working outside the home. In fact if a women strongly feels that her greatest current strength lies in her day to day child rearing; if her passions are highest in those seemingly small, but cumulative moments of mothering, who is anyone to suggest otherwise?
My (wonderful)work-out-of-home mother told me that she felt relief in returning to her job. Being at home with a small child is not easy, and certainly not ideal for every mother.
Another thing to consider is that a work-out-of-home woman could easily be a feminist in her career, but return home to a husband who belittles her in front of the children, & behaves as though the marriage is wonderful because it’s “best for the kids”, and because she doesn’t want to be a failure in the eyes of other women. I’ve seen it happen.
It’s always sad to me when a woman (or a feminist- male or female) perceives something as inherently feminine as full-time mothering to be dis-empowering.
I don’t have the perfect formula for perfect feminist existence, but I believe that the empowerment of women lives in many ways, and dies in many ways.
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