A woman’s sexual experiences differ greatly from a man’s – that’s just the way it is.
Growing up, I had been raised in a family that saw sex as something to not hide from; it wasn’t a controversial topic in the slightest. A sex therapist raised my father and my mother wasn’t embarrassed or afraid to discuss the ins and outs of sex with me. Both my parents educated me on what sex was and how to be safe. They have always casually brought up sex throughout my life.
In middle school, my mom took me to the gynecologist for the first time to discuss birth control options for my period. Since then, I would go to the gyno every year to get check-ups and STD screenings.
When I first lost my virginity, it was in high school with a guy that had a couple of sexual partners before. I made him put on a condom, which he did, but not without trying to change my mind about it. He knew I was on birth control, but that wasn’t the only reason I asked him to wear a condom, it was the thought of getting an STD as well. One day, he finally convinced me to let him not wear a condom; it was nerve-wracking. I remember being so scared of either getting pregnant or developing an STD. I went to my gyno right away to get tested for some peace of mind, and after coming back negative and eventually getting my period, I felt a lot better. Even though that experience was terrifying, it wasn’t the last time it happened.
Even though I had parents that told me sex was natural and to express myself openly while having it, I was still mortified to mention any concerns to my sexual partner because of the backlash I felt I would receive as a result. Many of my sexual partners would never give me a straight answer about STD checks. I found that after I asked these questions, it would lead to men to asking me how many sexual partners I had in return.
Even though I always got tested after every partner, I didn’t want to say how many because of the fear of being shamed. More times than not, I didn’t have as many sexual partners as they had had, but I found that 2-3 partners for a woman is considered a lot, while for men it’s way more.
The men I would have sex with usually had an upwards of 10 sexual partners, and they might have gotten tested once twice in the span of this time. I had never had more than a few sexual partners, yet I would always get checked, and I would take birth control regularly. Why is it I was the always the one holding all the responsibility? Why was it never put on him?
The double-standard enraged me.
I felt like I was always the one that was stressed and trying to be safe. I have talked to many of my female friends and they say the same thing. It takes the fun out of sex, especially if your partner is not as safe as you are.
What is worse is that many places will test you for free, so it’s more accessible to get tested:
The Free Health Clinic
This website helps you find free testing in your area:
In saying all this, I just want it to be the norm for both parties to be safe! Lets make it a normal thing to get tested after unprotected sex for men and women!