You’re having a conversation with a guy and everything is fine, there’s a good back and forth, until the infamous statement “You’re actually so cool, you’re not like the other girls” comes out as if it’s supposed to be a compliment.
I never end up finding comments like this flattering, because I don’t feel the need to distance myself from womanhood to feel good about myself. When people tell me this, all I can hear is “You manage to have a good personality despite being a woman”.
What is it about me anyway that makes me so different from the “other girls”? Is it because I made you laugh? Because I have aspirations? Because I’m independent? Viewing independence and substance as innately male traits says nothing about women, and everything about how women are perceived.
Women are constantly displayed as caricatures of themselves rather than multidimensional individuals. There is no one type of woman that this backhanded “compliment” can be placed on. Being a woman and having feminine traits is not a defect. Women can enjoy feminine things, like makeup, shoes, or their sorority. A woman displaying these interests doesn’t make them incapable. Strong character is not mutually exclusive with womanhood or femininity.
I am proud of being a woman. The women in my life comfort me, uplift me, and make me laugh. When I’m with women, we don’t see our gender identity as a limitation, we have drive and independence. We have our own individual personalities, identities, and interests that stay with us regardless of how we present ourselves.
The truth is that I am like the other girls, I relate to women’s experiences because I am a woman. my identity is comprised of countless elements inspired by women I look up to. The state of being a woman is not something I try and distance myself from. I draw from my experiences as a woman, it is a part of my identity, and one that I pride myself on.
So for all the guys who are guilty of giving this back handed compliment, I understand it isn’t always malicious. The quirky girl trope is all too familiar in movies, and what girl doesn’t like to feel special? Hell, what person doesn’t like to feel special? Unfortunately, what is intended as innocent praise is anything but. It only reinforces the one dimensional view of women, and labels it as something to avoid.
To all the guys I have talked to, and all the guys I will talk to in the future, I promise that to my core, every part of me is part of a woman. The part of me that take three hours to get ready when I go out, and the part of me that will spend three hours playing Guitar Hero.
Cover Image: Amanda Seyfried as Karen Smith in Mean Girls – YouTube/Paramount ( YouTube/Screenshot/Paramount )
7 thoughts on ““You’re Not Like The Other Girls””
Loved this post. So relatable and well written.
Wow. I LOVED THIS. I embarrassingly never really thought this deep on how someone saying I am not like the rest is like saying women are incapable of being funny, ambitious, independent, etc. The stereotypes of women are so instilled in our minds that I still find things hard to decode. It is something I am working on. I like how you said “the truth is, I am like other girls…” It was refreshing to see a woman align themselves with other women rather than feeling the need to push women down to uplift themselves. This was an eye-opener for sure.
I think this post addresses the problem with the stereotype around women and that they are supposed to act a certain way and not stray from their femininity. “Like other girls” to me refers to personality, like we are cool because we are actually talking to them like a person rather than a dumb girl. Thank you for speaking about this!! LOVE IT!
Holy shit yes!!! “You manage to have a good personality despite being a woman.” Thank you for putting my exact thoughts into words, I have always felt so strange after guys tell me this. You are so right though, guys think this is a compliment when it actually makes me feel like I’m acting in a way that I shouldn’t be, which is absurd.
Believe it or not, this happens pretty frequently in the LGBTQ+ community too. Especially within the lesbian community. This is a great thing to point out as a whole!
YES YES YES!!! You literally took the words straight out of my mouth! A lot of men seem to have this certain image of what a typically girl is and when we step outside that perceived image, they are shocked or surprised…like what? Not all women are the same. We all have certain unique qualities or characteristics that make us fucking fierce ass human beings. You nailed this post! AMAZING job!!! 🙂
Loved this!!! So many people have told me “I’m not like most girls” because I am athletic or don’t mind g getting sweaty. But just because all girls don’t like working out doesn’t mean they have less of a drive, they simply might just have a passion for something else.