Cover Up, Ladies

TW: Sexual assault/rape

Earlier this year, a woman was put under disciplinary action at her high school for not wearing a bra. That’s right. The shape of her nipples could be vaguely seen protruding through the opaque fabric of her shirt, and so obviously, it was only right that she got sent home. After all, how could we expect the men in her class to control themselves?

I mean, just because we expect women to control their sexual urges (do women even have those?) when they see the outline of a man’s nipples through his shirt, doesn’t mean we can expect the same from men. It would be so unfair of us to expect men to behave like decent human beings when they’re clearly controlled by their animal instincts, unlike women, whom everyone knows are naturally non-sexual beings.

Who does this girl think she is anyways? Wasn’t she taught, like the rest of us, that men are boorish creatures, unable to and unexpected to be able to control their animalistic urges? That as women, it is our duty to keep men morally upright?

It’s not even that hard to do. As women, we have full control over a man’s mind based on our outfit. It goes without saying, for instance, that if a boy sees a female classmate’s shoulder, the poor thing will be so distracted by the girl’s obvious attempt to seduce him that he won’t be able learn. Thus it is the girl who is either pulled out of class to go change or is sent home, being duly taught the important lesson that a boy’s education is intrinsically more important than her own, and that women are ultimately held accountable for the sins of men.

I, myself, had to learn these lessons the hard way. But luckily for me, my mature, capable high school leaders set me straight, teaching me the important lesson every girl should learn: that my body is something to be ashamed of and that I must cover it up or risk single-handedly robbing all the innocent men in my class of the education they deserve.

Thank you, public school, for teaching an entire generation of women to view their bodies this way. Thanks to you, men’s right to an education is at last protected.

After all, it’s only natural that women be viewed as evil seductresses simply for having bodies, and likewise, for men to be treated like sub-human beasts whose intrinsic desire to mate outweighs any kind of intelligent or moral capability.

Although disgusting movements like feminism have threatened to smash these stereotypes, thankfully, many parents are still imparting these important values onto their children. The parents of Brock Turner, for instance, clearly succeeded in teaching their son what public schools have been trying to teach us all along: that men, no matter how heinous their crimes, simply cannot be held accountable for their own actions. These parents deserve an award for how deeply they’ve instilled these values in their completely innocent son, who literally raped an unconscious woman and was still somehow able to blame her for it. Only someone upon whom these values have been deeply engrained could find the sheer inner-strength to do such a thing.

Yeah, some people got upset that he only spent 3 months in the slammer, but if anything that was a harsh sentence seeing as how the woman was drunk. I mean honestly, how can we expect men to not be rapists when a woman is drunk? Men just don’t have the kind of incredible moral strength and resistance it takes to keep from raping a drunk woman.

Luckily, these ideals are so deeply instilled in us from such a young age, and so dearly clung to by so many, that it is likely to be a long, long time before those pesky feminists can get us to stop shaming women for literally everything.

Seriously though. Women are the world’s favorite scapegoat, taking the blame for men’s mistakes, the fall of entire nations and even sin itself. Let’s cut the sarcasm for a second and take good, hard look at ourselves. Do we really want to be a society that continually shames half its population for everything from being assaulted to having basic human anatomy?

Feature image source: Flickr Creative Commons